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Jesus loves children too |
For some reason, a lot of people in North America have a hard-on for pedophilia. So much so, in fact, that the line between actual pedophilia and just lusting after jailbait has been completely erased from the public consciousness.
For example, Republican Congressman Mark Foley made a pass at some 16-year-old pages and has been labeled a pedophile even though banging 16-year-olds is perfectly legal in Washington DC. But enough about non-pedophiles, I'm here to talk about pedophiles.
Pedophiles are the one special interest group everyone loves to hate. You can get into trouble bad-mouthing old people, foreigners or even retards, but child-fucking perverts are fair game. In fact, pedophiles are such a good target that people use them as an excuse to target non-pedophiles. Shut down the internet, pedophiles can use it! We need to fingerprint your children so that we can identify their bodies after they're raped to death. Never mind that if anyone is molesting your kids, statistics say it's probably you (or someone you know).
Child abduction is becoming so popular that it's replacing serial killing as the go-to subject for crime dramas during sweeps week, if not every week. One has to wonder how many children are abducted every week in reality, compared to the number of children abducted on television. Obviously people like to think about children being molested, which is only a bottle of scotch and a missed therapy session away from thinking about molesting them yourself.
And where there's a market, there'll be a marketer. New for this Halloween season, the gangster moll costume. Perfect for the child who already has the Peekaboo pole dancing kit, Peekaboo poker set, and of course a thong or two.
Despite the mainstream sexualization of children, there's still a blanket taboo against actually sexxoring them. The public is willing to forgive thieves, murderers, rapists and war criminals, but pedophiles don't get the same treatment. Even when they don't torture or kill the child, pedophilia still carries a stigma far greater than any other property crime.
It stands to reason, then, that pedophiles need to change their image. Good PR made people think Tom Cruise was sane for many years, and turned worthless lumps of clear coal into something married men are required to buy if they ever want to have sex again.
As I am a compassionate person and a champion of the downtrodden, I have some suggestions for slogans pedophiles can use to rebrand themselves, free of charge:
- You love your children. So do we.
- We put the rapee in therapy.
- Pedophilia: try something new.
With a better public image, pedophiles wouldn't be so unjustly persecuted, and child porn wouldn't be the political hammer used to bludgeon the rest of us.
Right now, the irrational fear of child porn is used to expand warrantless wiretapping, subpoena logs from ISPs and websites like MySpace, and justify the war on regular porn. I've even heard it used as a logical argument in favour of atheism. After all, the reasoning goes, only an evil or non-existent god could allow priests to fuck little boys.
Well, I can think of plenty of reasons to allow pedophilia besides being evil. He could be an uncaring god, a powerless god, a deaf god or a really dumb god. He could have a different moral standard (particularly one more in keeping with the social standards of 4000 years ago) who doesn't think pedophilia is that big a deal. He could be a Libertarian god, believing that market forces will eventually take care of the problem and any intervention on His part will only make things worse. She could be a feminist god, believing that as long as it's just men raping boys and no women get hurt then there's no problem. He could be a big-picture god who leaves details to His underlings and tries not to micromanage. It could be a giant squid god who doesn't pay any more attention to human problems than you do to giant squid problems. Or He could be an ineffable god, whose actions and reasoning are so beyond your understanding that even the idea of imposing your moral standard on Him is meaningless.
Or maybe He just loves children. Loves them loves them.
