 | ||
| | |
 | ||
 |
The unbearable triteness of being |
Ever since Ultima Online popularized the monthly fee as a gaming genre, the market has become more and more cluttered with new entrants clamoring for the middle management MBA's holy grail: recurring subscription revenue. Despite the swirling ocean of choice in the market, one game looms over all the rest like that monster that carried the labyrinth level around in God of War.
That game, the game which boasts as many subscribers as all its competitors put together, is not Second Life. Second Life, in fact, has fewer subscribers than Toontown, Dofus and Tibia. What's Dofus, you ask? Exactly.
And yet despite a fanbase only BBC Three cold love, Second Life continues to make headlines. Really lame headlines. As far as I can tell, every single "player" in the game is the type of person who writes for Wired--or wishes they did. Otherwise, how do you explain the breathless awe with which perfectly mundane events are hyped? You can play golf, or listen to music, or buy virtual clothes from a real life clothing company, just like you can in real life, only you're doing it inside the game! Doesn't that just blow your freakin' mind?!
Somebody made a game (inside the game) that became such a smash hit they decided to release it outside Second Life, where it has thus far failed to be a hit because people apparently have higher standards in their first life, where they can just play Tetris or Bejeweled or some other genuinely good game. Part of the game-within-a-game's success is likely due to the fact that until April property owners got paid, by the game, for having people on their property, and gambling is a better diversion than just sitting in a chair. I mean, you're already sitting in a chair in First Life, if you're sitting around doing nothing in Second Life you're doubly a loser.
Most recently, someone decided to hold a virtual counterpart to Major League Baseball's annual home run derby. I cannot comprehend why anyone would want to watch “a real-time Second Life re-enactment” of the home run derby, rather than just tuning in to the real thing on TV. It just makes no sense. Probably because I've never done mushrooms.
The Second Lifers admit that watching a recreation of an already boring TV event is pretty weak, but then go on to gush about how (omg) cool it will be if people can go to the park and play baseball... inside the game! I can only assume that the entire appeal of Second Life is sitting around thinking about such junior high philosophy conundrums. It's like you're going outside... without going outside! And yet my mind remains unblown.
Whenever I read another one of these lame articles talking about how people are doing things in Second Life that they could just as easily do in real life, I'm reminded of the episode of the Simpsons where they go to the go-kart track, and Homer shouts "Look at me Marge, I'm driving!" I'm sure we're all very proud of you for spending real time running a fake nightclub, but could you please shut the fuck up about it? People have been playing golf and baseball and even managing pretend nightclubs in videogames for years.
The only thing remotely original about Second Life is that the game itself is so boring that players are forced to find ways to amuse themselvesin the game. And since they aren't particularly imaginitive, they amuse themselves by doing the exact things they could've been doing if they weren't playing the game. But for whatever reason, that extra level of detachment really resonates with writers and editors. Maybe because they already don't do anything in their first life and experience everything vicariously from in front of a keyboard. Or maybe because they're all fucking drama queens.
I'm still waiting for someone to create a word processor in Second Life, so they can write about how they're writing about Second Life in the game, and blow (our minds) that much harder.
