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Deconstructing the Mid-East Crisis |
It seems to be festival time in Palestine again, as they are firing rockets randomly into the air and yelling alot. I'm not sure what they're celebrating or what the significance is; I think they use a different calendar or something.
In any event, Israel went straight to full aggro when some of the rockets landed outside the celebration area and dinged up somebody's Mercedes. In go the Jew Berets and it's on like Donkey Kong. Again.
Israel and Palestine fight so frequently that you have to think they're overcompensating and should just fuck already. However, both sides maintain that the root cause of the conflict is that the other side still exists. But that doesn't mean a giant orgy wouldn't still solve it.
One of the impediments to the Giant Orgy Solution, and any other resolution to the conflict, is religion. Namely, that both sides practice a different brand of the same "One true god, all others must convert or die" religion. It's kind of like Coke and Pepsi in that regard. Both sides are so caught up in the battle that they don't realize they're both relegated to the same section of the much larger soda isle. Although if you go by market share, the Jews should actually be Cott.
One of the traits common to religious people of all flavours is that they believe God is on their side, ignoring any evidence to the contrary. Football players routinely thank God after a win, yet no one has dared bring up the Detroit Lions 0-16 season as evidence that God hates the city or the players, or gave Matt Millen a divine vision of drafting wide receivers in the first round four times in five years. The exact same players who thank God for a win are strangely silent on the subject after a loss. Nobody ever laments being forsaken by the Lord, even when they turn the ball over six times and cost their team the game.
According to Wikipedia, 1290 Palestinians were killed from 2005-2007, compared with 86 Israelis. The score in the current conflict is a similarly lopsided 879-13. The Palestinians contend that this is evidence of the brutality of Jews. However, a much simpler explanation exists: Jews are harder to kill than Muslims.
Certainly, there is no question that both sides are giving it an honest effort. The Palestinians aren't firing Nerf rockets or loading their suicide bombers with delicious candy, and in a lot of cases the weapons used by Palestinians are IDF weapons sold on the black market. And yet, despite their unshakeable belief that Allah favours them, they've barely managed to kill a DC-9 worth of infidels.
The Jews, obviously, have a much stronger case that God is on their side. There can be no question that they are harder to kill, though that is not prima facie evidence that they are the Chosen People. It's also possible that, like cockroaches, they have chitinous carapaces which protect them from bullets and shrapnel. However, I have seen no empirical evidence of this.
Much like cockroaches, people have been trying to exterminate the Jews throughout recorded history--the Nazis even tried using pesticide--all to no avail. However, this too is not compelling evidence of a carapace (though it would make an awesome premise for Resident Evil 6).
No matter what your feelings about Jews generally or Jerry Seinfeld specifically, from a theological standpoint the balance of evidence is on their side. That's not to say that you should go to your nearest synagogue and convert (can you do that online yet?). There are some sacrifices that go along with being Chosen, most notably giving up bacon. Jews seem to have a serious phobia for pigs which I've never understood. Are pigs and cockroaches natural enemies? A lifetime without bacon is hard to weigh against even an eternity in heaven, also without bacon.
But as far as the conflict goes, it's obvious which side really has God in the GM booth. Which shouldn't matter in politics, but since both sides agree it does should carry some weight. If the Palestinians really believe in God, they should pay a little more attention to what He's telling them. He wants Jews in Israel, so maybe stop wasting your time there and go figure out where He wants You.
