Were I a more topical writer, I'd use this space to expound upon the idiocy of missile defense. But really, what could I say besides that it doesn't work?

If you can't shoot a missile down in a lab environment, and by that I mean some island in the Pacific where no one of any substance (as measured in USD) lives, or sometimes even get your anti-missile-missile to launch on command (now there's a metaphor for you) what hope do you have of shooting down an enemy missile that doesn't have a GPS tracking beacon in it? Then again, the mere existence of a missile defense "shield" might convince America's enemies to deliver their nuclear payloads via some other vector, which would be a victory in itself. Maybe they'd use a hovercraft. That would be cool.

Instead of missile defense, a subject on which I have nothing to say, I'm going to talk about online begging. Specifically the invention of same, which Tycho of Penny Arcade claims as his own.

If you haven't read yesterday's rant on the subject (I don't know, maybe you're new to the internet, or you're just looking for demon fucking videos and stumbled here by mistake), he starts out by mentioning that some blogger or other has decided to start begging. From there he makes a few good points, like the fact that panhandling and busking are nothing new in the real world, and in fact aren't new in the online world either.

But then his inner child throws a tantrum, and he starts whinging all over the page. It's kind of embarrassing to read, which is why I'm going to quote some of it for you:

I was reading an article called "The History of Webcomics" over on Comixpedia, and their section on donations begins with Something Positive's historic drive. That's fine with me, because he's one of ours and his comic is great. But I'll be Goddamned if I'm going to read page after page adulating this other guy for his intrepid esprit. When he sees me, he can touch his Goddamn forehead to the dirt. And he can thank webcomics for clearing the path that made his life of simian excess possible.

What can a person say to that? Pull the shock dildo out of your ass and re-read your own last four paragraphs, Tycho, because the voltage is affecting your brain.

Begging online is nothing new, and if you really think about it Tycho himself was the first blogger to panhandle on the web. What is Penny Arcade but a blog with a regularly updated art section? And unlike Playboy, people really do just read it for the articles.

However, while it's valid to criticize the NKOTB for bringing nothing new to the table, it takes a remarkable level of myopia to then claim to have "invented" eBeggary. This is not Wired magazine, and everything is not new again on the internet.

Not only have there been paupers as long as there's been money (longer, if you don't grade on a curve), a gallstone-sized chunk of them have been artists. The very concept of a patron or benefactor implies an unequal trade much more in line with charity than with the mundane workings of commerce. For as long as there have been instrumentalists playing in public, there have been instrument cases lying open at their feet.

I suppose Tycho deserves some credit for finding a way to make money off of something that has no value. Maybe the recording industry should give him a call. Whatever contributions he has made to "the scene," it's not enough to justify, as the British would say, a massive ego-wank in public. DC out.

Incidentally, today's newspost topic was requested by a loyal reader from Australia. If you don't like it, go bitch on the Official UAC Forums.

In a stunningly derivative sitcom twist, Penguinx broke his hand punching out a vagrant who wandered onto his property over the weekend. His drawing hand.

Fortunately it's happened enough over the years that he's learned to work around the injury, and as you can see he can still bring the T&A even while enfeebled. If you have other complaints about the artwork, like the lack of color in recent strips or Ilene's butterface, keep in mind that his left hand isn't broken, and his right has been broken enough that he learned to draw with it in that state. If he's drunk enough, he might just hit you with the cast.