I always knew I wasn't cut out for life on a farm. Getting up before the crack of nine alone would've done me in, even without any smelly animals or back breaking toil. My idea of gardening is to plant a bunch of things and leave them alone. I see no reason to coddle the weak. It's a form of herbal darwinism usually won by the weeds and potatoes.

Being a bad farmer seems like it would fit well with being a lazy gamer, but what I didn't realize is that I'm so not cut out for farming that I even got bored of Harvest Moon. Even though getting up before sunrise is pretty much automatic and every task from watering turnips to carrying huge bales of wool can be accomplished with a few twitches of my thumb, it's still too much for me. Because it's the same damn thumb twitching every day.

According to the documentation, the game is supposed to last 30 pretend years. I've made it through two, and the only reason I'm still "playing" is that according to Gamefaqs if you suck up to the old woman enough, she'll give you a cat in the fall. I really want that cat.

If you could simply buy the cat, I wouldn't have to do any actual farming. Hell, if I could just put some wood to the old hag I'm sure she'd give me the cat in a week. But as it is, I have to milk cows every day for twenty more days before the sweet, yowling, useless feline can be mine.

In the meantime I have my GBA to keep real me busy while virtual me stands around in the field. Presumably, virtual me is low on energy from eating nothing but vegetables for two years. And by vegetables I mean fungi and weeds scavenged off the forest floor.

A little red meat would do the guy a world of good, but can I slaughter and dress any of my animals? Of course not. Just like I can't beat my virtual wife and child for contributing nothing to the house and farm. Just showing them the sickle doesn't get the message across.

I've heard that you can pay kids in the third world to level your characters in EverQuest; I wonder if they make house calls.

A new video store opened up a couple of blocks away from here called Schlockbuster, they have a shit-ton of obscure independent movies, and pretty much every good dependent movie out there. Their videogame selection leaves a lot to be desired, however, an issue I took up with one of the proprietors today when we went and rented Dirtbags. Now, there are some who believe in such things as "good bad movies", and they have a point. The problem is once you start liking movies because you think they are bad on purpose, they stop being "good bad movies". They are missing the whole point of unintentional funny, which is that the funny comes from the creators horribly fucking up. A lot of times this happens to serious films, but sometimes even a comedy can be unintentionally funny.

I'm not really sure about Dirtbags. It was funny, it had really funny moments, and on the other hand it was totally stupid. On the other hand it had a lot of nudity and Peter Steele. On the other hand it had a bunch of metal dorks and gay jokes that would make even the UAC writers cringe. One thing I'm sure of is that the claim on the box that it was "banned in 69 countries" is a false one, all in all the thing is pretty tame. Because the production values were 6th grade level, I don't think I can recommend this movie. The concept had potential, but going all out on the comedy was a bad move, instead I'd like to see a movie where they catch actual dirtbags on tape. Rapists, child molesters, people who pick on the blind, deaf, dumb, and weak, senators, firefighters, and religious figures. Set them up in hilarious scenarios that tempt them to show their true colours. Of course, it wouldn't be ethical to actually let them go through with raping and stabbing a 12 year old girl scout, but on the other hand you've got to satiate your audience. Actually I know a guy who's going to be doing a few snuff films next year in Vegas, I'll see if he's interested.