Chaos Theory is a confusing and largely unregulated area of higher mathematics which describes how butterflies are responsible for hurricanes and crappy Ashton Kutcher movies, especially the really big butterflies like Mothra.
If anyone at Boston City Hall had been a brilliant mathematician, they might have been able to predict the tidal wave of unintended consequences unleashed when they decided to call their annual gift from Nova Scotia a "Holiday Tree." Shortly thereafter the town of Oxford (not the good one) decreed that no name be used other than Christmas to describe the holiday season within the boundaries of the town (and that includes Chanukah you fucking kike bastards).
Then, New Mexico Senator Joe Carraro decided to remind schools in the state to put the "Christ" back in "Christmas." And to keep things balanced, take the "separation" out of "separation of church and state." Quoth the Senateman:
"I want to remind our teachers that the Senate memorial passed in 1994 allows them to mention Jesus and encourages them to teach about him as a historical figure, not only at Christmastime, but at anytime there is a discussion of historical figures of great importance."
Jesus, as you are probably aware, was way into snowmen, pine trees and egg nogg. Or really anything with booze in it, after he rez'd. A hot totty in the morning really takes the ache out of decaying zombie joints.
Even George 'Holy War' Bush is catching flack for saying "Happy Holidays" in his cards this year. The Christians feel he should've used "Marry Christ, sinner," the traditional greeting for heathens at any time, but given special urgency towards the end of the year when the acolytes congregate in their hidden subterranean lairs to tally converts and sacrifice their first borns.
The White House cards have been secular for years without so much as a hint of a backlash, but Christmas is on a Sunday this year. Having Christ's day coincide with the day God created the sun is a big deal for Christians because they believe that due to leap years and the Rapture it won't happen again in their lifetime.
Interstingly, Bush sends cards to over a million people at Christmas. Thus it has less in common with the types of cards you or I might hang on the wall, received from friends and relatives, than it does the kind of cheap, mass-produced adver-greetings you get from your realtor or financial advisor. It is, like everything else Bush does, a form of PR and fund raising.
But back on point: when the councilors of Oxford decreed that "the holiday originated from the birth of Jesus Christ," they were not merely proselytizing like good Christians, they were also lying like good Christians. There is nothing about Christmas as it's celebrated now which originated from [sic] Jesus.
Jesus Harold Christ was born in a barn in the middle of a desert in Palestine. It did not snow once during his entire 42-year life. There are no trees in Palestine now, nor were there 2000 years ago. There were giant ferns next to the oasis, but you could only go see them at night when the dinosaurs were asleep.
There were no reindeer, no sleighbells, no holly or ivy or mistletoe, nor were there carols about same. About the only thing the "first Noel" (there were no French people either) had in common with Christmas today: there were no XBox 360s.
Obviously, those elements of Christmas (ie the whole thing) came from other sources. Not Wiccan sources, of course, because that's just a New Age form of pseudo-paganism created by and for white suburban housewives.
The only part of Christmas that has anything to do with Christ is the name, so you can see why they're so protective of it. They can't say "keep the crusifixions in Christmas," because that's more of an Easter thing. They're trying to protect their brand despite its commodification, just like Lego.
Christmas is now the Kleenex or Scotch tape of holidays. Sure, you can say you're celebrating Christmas but you're not celebrating a genuine bow-your-head-and-praise-Jesus Christ Mass. More likely you're celebrating Present Day, or Mid-Winter, or just The Only Time All Year I Get A Whole Week Off. Everyone knows you don't mean Kleenex brand tissues when you say Kleenex, just like they know Christmas doesn't mean Christ.
Last week when I said the real comic would be coming back "next week," I did in fact mean Tuesday. As in two days ago. When Penguin didn't live up to his promise on Tuesday, I figured I just wouldn't mention it and if we re-launched on Thursday it would still be the same week, and if anyone asked I'd lie and say that's what we intended all along.
However, there's no point pretending I really meant "in two weeks," because nobody would believe that. The thing is, Penguin was supposed to draw two comics last week, so our buffer would be more than two weeks' worth. Two is a magic number, because it's the number he should be drawing every week even if we don't have a buffer.
Since he didn't get that done, I didn't start posting. Seems reasonable to me. I'm not exactly what you might call a skilled people manager, though, so I'm not sure if I'm handling it right. Maybe I should try sucking up to him, by praising his work and linking to his sketchblog.