The internet has wrought many changes upon the social fabric of our world: email, blogs, eBay, IM, p2p, OSS and VOIP have all served to connect people together regardless of the distances involved. They also, unfortunately, connect people regardless of the age or relative unintelligence of the people involved.

This has led to other changes, the most notable being the complete destruction of English as a language. Not content to merely send messages to people half the globe away in seconds, today's IM chatbot abbreviates and acronates everything to save time, which they presumably spend bettering themselves by watching clips of backyard wrestling and HL2 speedruns.

Which would be fine if it were confined to LiveJournal drama queens and MSNtards, but now the acronym virus has infected the mainstream. POTUS and SCOTUS are routinely used in news articles. Hurricane Katrina apparently damaged some person or building named NOLA. Banks no longer have names, they have randomly generated guids like HSBC, ING and UMB.

Acronyms are so popular that now, names are chosen based on their eventual abbreviation.  There is no way the name SARS was chosen for any reason other than pronounceability. Severe and acute? Any other synonyms you'd like to include? Throw in a handful more and you could've named it SUSARUS.

Game developers have certainly caught on to the acronaming trend, releasing such abbreviated masterpieces as KOTOR, THUG and WoW, the last being a blatant (but successful) attempt to provide shitty reviewers with easy material for shitty word-play. Some acronyms, like FEAR and UAC, aren't even short for anything.

Rather than fight the tide, I've decided to pour a couple more drops of water into the sea. Feel free to toss these into your own unintelligible internet ramblings.

• GnG: Grief-n-Grind - a shorter and more descriptive name for MMORPGs.
• FPB: Female Pattern Baldness - women with all their pubic hair shaved off except for one tiny strip
• SADS: Sudden Adult Death Syndrome - just like it sounds

We never did get around to registering handijobs.com, but that doesn't mean we aren't committed to providing happy endings to pathetic cripples all around the nation. Anybody interested in seeing hot womens like Ilene pleasure invalids (we'll be taping these encounters) should donate some or all of their money to the UACCDF via paypal, a link to which is provided at the top of this page.

Thanks everybody, together we're going to change this crazy world.