Ignoring the hosts of Yo' Mamma jokes (for the moment), the issue of loose, flappy vaginas has gone largely unreported throughout history. It has presumably been a secret shame for the women afflicted, akin to having webbed toes, a vestigial tail or flaccid, saggy granny-boobs at 23. Or perhaps not so secret — men will mock each other's penises in the change room, and women are known to be infinitely cattier than men.
Until now, a gaping snatch was something to be endured, a fact of life not worth complaining about since there was no cure (unless you count regular exercise). But like polio and smallpox before, modern medicine may turn the loosey goosey from something people don't talk about to something they don't worry about. It really is amazing what they can do with lasers these days.
Laser vaginal rejuvenation is sure to displace botox injections and chemical peels as the next fad in plastic surgery. And just look at the testimonials: it cures incontinence, improves sex and saves marriages. Surgical twat tightening provides all the benefits of regular exercise with none of the drawbacks of actually exercising. Now even lazy and unmotivated women can have the taut, shapely fuzzbox they've always wanted. Or at least, the ones with $10,000 to blow on elective surgery can. Presumably poor and middle-class sufferers will have to take a page from the fatties, fuglies and flatchested, and try harder in the sack.
But is that really fair? In our increasingly superficial society, any physical imperfection will impact every aspect of a person's life, from self-esteem to career advancement to life expectancy. And doubly so for women, since they won't be able to get by on merit.
Surely health insurance should pay for a box collapsing operation, when it provides so many benefits that can't be achieved in any other way besides regular exercise. The military already pays for cosmetic surgery, including liposuction and breast implants. If the Navy is willing to spring for bigger boobs, then it stands to reason they would put in for a smaller beaver. After all, you know what they say about loose lips.
Presumably my inbox will be filled with LVR spam in the near future. I can only assume that slit shrinking in all natural pill form is just around the corner. There is no reason men should be sole bearers of the burden of shame where size-incompatibility is concerned — even an Escalade looks tiny if you park it in a 12 car garage.
If it really takes off, Cosmo will be full of "articles" about alternatives to surgery, like Twelve Exercises to Make Your Box as Snug as a 17-year-old Catholic Schoolgirl and From Flappy to Happy in Five Short Weeks. But there will still be a place for LVR. The slow, incremental improvement provided by regular exercise is no match for the quick fix of laser surgery.
